BASTARD ROLL CALL: RICHARD

Quite a few folks who've known me since high school or so mention that I neglect my own characters quite a lot nowadays. Suppose it's chalked up to assuming most folks find them too boring, and feeling too self-indulgent when giving them the limelight. Obscure and obtuse as they are, though, there still is a moldy, creasy place in my cold and shriveled heart for them, which is why I've finally given in to featuring and overhauling the little assholes.

 Guess I'll start off with the old veteran of the bunch, Dick.

 Circa: ~1998
Age: 45
Height: 4'10"
Weight: 120 pounds
Occupation: Retired professor of forensic astronomy

A three-chambered peanut, inexplicably given life and wisdom, Dick is a man with no mission. His vast seniority over the other cast provides the group with much needed foresight on my predispositions and wicked habits, and his vast knowledge over many essentially useless subjects has made him the star of many an ass-kissing extra credit comics during high school. Professor Budst lacks any real character background or backstory, and thus evolves extremely rapidly in image and personality. What little that can be said of him is that he's generally an amicable, old-fashioned fart that the other characters can count on, or more often alienate themselves from and ridicule. A big fan of scaring birds with umbrellas.

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